WHICH BEATLE MAKES YOU FEEL FINE?

Okay, so...because I am a geek who never learns...I took this quiz the other night, called "Which Beatle Are You?", which, based on your answers to the questions, purportedly tells you with which of the four members of the Beatles you have the most in common. As a long time, die hard (extra die, extra hard) Beatles fan, I was pretty sure I already knew the answer, and I was not disappointed. But that still leaves the question of...how come that particular Beatle? I mean, sure, we all know that...supposedly, at least...John was the "sarcastic one", Paul was the "sentimental one", George was the "spiritual one", and Ringo was "the clown." But no one is ever just one thing, and although there are times when I have declared, with absolute certainty, that I am a "John person", there have been nearly as many times when I felt much more closely aligned with Paul, George, or Ringo. Hell, there have even been times when I felt that I had more in common with Brian Epstein! That's why I thought it might be fun to expand on the "which Beatle are you?" concept and explore an entirely new level of the question. And so I have come up with my own quiz, one based on an even more shallow version of the same kinds of quiz. Are you ready? Good. It's time to take my "Which Beatle Would Have Been Most Likely To Give You An Orgasm?" quiz. And if you happen to be a straight guy or a lesbian, don't worry. It's all academic anyway. Oh...and be aware...the questions are not quite as straightforward as they seem.

Here we go...

1.) It's 1965, and you've just landed in "swingin' London" for a little R&R. Stopping into a pub near Carnaby Street, you're excited beyond measure when, glancing across the room, you spot the Fab Four chatting up a group of German art school birds. Which of the following attributes asssociated with the Fab Four impresses you the most?

a.) A flowery, puff-sleeved, paisley print shirt b.) A goofy, lopsided grin c.) Perfectly coiffed hair and puppy dog eyes d.) Granny glasses

2.) You are thrilled beyond belief to have been invited to an actual Beatles recording session at teh Abbey Road studio. Which of the following qualities turns your knees to Jell-O?

a.) An unabashedly sentimental rendering of the latest Beatles ballad b.) A straightforward, no frills drumming technique c.) Acidic comments to fellow band mates between takes d.) A psychedelic hat

3.) You have become a member of the Beatles "inner circle", thanks to your witty repartee and cool new white plastic hoop earrings that compliment your Jean Shrimpton haircut, and have just been invited to a party at Mick Jagger's house where the the Fab Four will all be in attendance. Assuming that you're fortunate enough to actually catch the attention of one of them instead of just standing next to the lava lamp eating cheese and sipping a Fresca and whiskey cocktail, which of the following lines would be most likely to set your heart a-flutter?

a.) "You look a lot like my girlfriend. Want to get out of here, get some Japanese take-away, and check out my home recording studio?" b.) "Have you ever been to India?" c.) "What's your ring size?" d.) I was feeling pretty good yesterday, but now life just looks like one big long winding road. Want to help me navigate it?"

Alright, then, let's see how you did...

Question Number One: If you chose (a), (b), or (d), you should probably try to hook up with John or George, or, if they're busy, maybe Ravi Shanker. If you went with (c), you might be better off with Paul, but only if Linda Eastman isn't in town, and even then, only if you're a vegetarian.

Question Number Two: If you chose anything but (b), you are definitely a candidate for a sweet, soulful orgasm with Paul. If you did go with (b), well, Ringo just might be your man, but it would probably be better as a threesome, because Paul played drums on a lot of Beatles tracks including Dear Prudence, Back In The USSR, and The Ballad of John and Yoko. Confused? Hey...I told you it was a misleading quiz.

Question Number Three: If you chose anything but (c), you are looking at a night of orgasmic delight in the company of John. I mean, come on, it wouldbe just like him to throw in a sarcastic reference to Paul's "Yesterday". But if you chose (c), you're definitely heading to the water bed with Ringo...as if you didn't already know. Just make him take all those rings off first. They can be painful.

So there you have it...a totally unscientific, completely arbitrary quiz on your orgasmic potential with one or more of The Beatles, circa 1965. If you want to take a real Beatles or rock music quiz, feel free to check out a few I wrote during my days as an editor with Fun Trivia, the best and largest quiz site online. Just click on the "Music" category. They're all top-rated. And as always...skol! xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo